New chapter of life

So…here’s some updates of my life.

After a looong while of not writing.

Finally after one year of unemployment, I’m now employed as a house officer at Hoshas. Being a preggie HO, is the last thing you want. You must walk fast and a lot. You got to rest your legs only when you got a chance, which is not always there. You got cramped legs at night, and the only thing you dream of is your patient. And i would wake up feeling tired again. Well that’s so far, is how my career life has been going.

Well thanks to my newborn baby, i now got 3 months rest from maternal leave. Yes i got myself a second baby in the middle of Ramadan. Her name is Yusra. Yusra Ramadani. Yusra is a crier, but somehow being a mother of two, i got used to it and not so stressed out. Well babies are all cry-ers. I shouldn’t expect less of her. One thing i’m very excited about this newborn is, i got to breastfeed again! Because last time with Aya, i only got to breastfeed her like for four months only, and it disappoints me so much. So i’m very determined for exclusive breastfeeding for my baby right now. It’s a challenging journey, if you must know. If you’re not determined enough, you’d probably not be compliant with all the pumping schedules and what not. And that’s what i’m feeling right now.

My milk production has dropped rapidly. My guess, it’s because i don’t always get my full privacy time for breastpumping, as i also have a clingy toddler to entertain. So basically my pumping session runs for 10 minutes usually, 15 min maximum, which i guess maybe not enough. It starts after raya that my milk dropped, it maybe also got something to do with my food intake. I don’t know. Because i don’t want to stress myself out so much, i bought several milkboosters to try.

I’ll tell you the result later.

My baby has started crying, means i have to stop here.

Till we meet again!(i mean in my blog);)

Nah belanja gambar satu. 😉

image

The sacred RM50

Something happened today that each time I remember, tergelak sorang-sorang. It’s about RM 50. RM 50 that i withdrew from the ATM on my way to the supermarket. Disebabkan balance tinggal RM *** which is not a lot, 50 ringgit ku sangka cukup untuk shopping setakat di supermarket TF Value Mart, to be specific.

But what happened is a tragedy. I lost my principle. I was distracted by the display at the main entrance. What a strategy of the mart admin to display baby stuff near entrance. Who doesn’t melt seeing cute pair of pink babysuits? I do! I deliberately chose two. I thought,naah it wouldn’t outrun RM 50.

Here’s the tragedy. Done grocery shopping. In my trolley, there were bread, fenugreek seeds, seedless grapes and mayonaise. Guess the total? RM 57.75 and I only have Rm 4 extra in my wallet. Tak cukup 3.75!

Buat muka tak malu dan yakin, I said,”emm boleh buang barang sikit tak? I bawak duit cukup-cukup je lah” and I chose bread to be removed from the total purchase. I don’t know why bread, it’s very spontaneous, sedangkan it’s the mayo yang takde dalam shopping list yang asal. I guess I was panic. Plus tahan malu.

The cashier called a girl cashier for help. Maybe his senior? She asked,”awak ada berapa?” sambil seluk poket seluar dia. Was she about to top-up for me? I’m not sure but if she was, how sweett…
but no. I said, after buang roti, RM 55.05. And yes, after godek-godek coins, enough RM 55.05. Alhamdulillahhh what a big relief!

Malu? Of course! Tapi apa yang kelakar is I look penniless maybe sampai cashier tu kesian dan nak tolong topup. Haha. Bawak troley tapi barang nya ada 2-3 ketul je. ni semua babysuits punya pasal. Dan siapa suruh kedekut sangat withdraw RM 50 je nak pergi shopping?

Anyway, it’s a good attempt though to restrain myself to buy unnecessary things with limited amount of money.Although in my case, I chose unnecessary(babysuits) over necessary(bread). Hihi. Don’t you think it’s a good saving technique? If you have less in your wallet, you shop less!

IMAG3015

Parenting a one-year-old

Parenting a grown-up baby. ‘Grown-up’? Well I mean ‘grown-up baby’ as in, a baby grown up to be a toddler.

She walks, she talks, she sings (in her language), she imitates people around her. She’s like, not a baby anymore. Yeah..i know she’s not even 1 yo yet. But why why why, she’s growing up so fast. I hope i can catch up her pace. Well catching up a child’s pace is not an easy task. I think we should never underestimate their brain development. ‘Wow did she just do that?’ That feeling is great great great, I’m loving it! 😉

For now, i’m a full time mommy. Watching her developing new skills every day is exciting and MOMamazing. Seriously. Until I feel she can be independent, I will take care of her on my own. (Independent means she won’t be needing me around) Work? Hmm not yet my concern. My daughter is my focus now.

Caaayang dia bucuk2

Caaayang dia bucuk2

Since she is now in her learning and exploring phase, it sometimes worry me, how should I educate her the right way? Sing her songs? Read her books? Show her things and animals? Hurm..Well, that will need some research. But I like it when she learns through nature. Her excited gesture when she sees a dog, a bird, or a cat, I know she’s learning something. One thing I don’t like about her exploring instinct is when she picks up almost everything she sees on the floor and put them into her mouth, including ants! Second thing I don’t really like about her exploring instinct is when she suddenly disappeared and was found to be half way upstairs. Yeah it’s good that she can climb all the way upstairs alone but the risk that she would fall is unimaginably scaarryy…:( My heart jumps out each time she disappears from the family living room.

Yes, parenting a one-year-old(in my case, almost one year old) involves so many accidents. Knocking her head here and there, falling from bed..Thank God, she never got serious injuries. Not only accidents, but series of fever, flu, allergy are enough to make mothers worry so much. I don’t mind going to several clinics or spending a lot of money(if a lot) if it’s for her health.

So if you’re trying to imagine how parenting a grown-up baby would be like, these are only small parts of it.

I did bad in my exam!

Okay so yesterday was a reaaallly badddd day for me. Baaad baad day. I sat for an exam which i wasn’t so ready for. I convinced myself that it’s going to be easy and they would only ask common questions. I did some reading on common questions. So chillax, calm down.Common is common, and just go for it, baby! But that’s not what happened. It was actually the worst exam I’d ever experienced!

I myself am not sure if I’m exaggerating about the-worst-exam-ever part, but this exaggeration reflects how bad it was for me. I was blank, and empty. It’s a 3-hour duration exam, and my headache has come to strike around the first 80 minutes. When headache comes, it means I’m using my brain more than its capacity. Of course I did! I created so many new facts that I thought was relevant and tolerable as an answer. I wrote whatever comes to my mind at that moment, without standing the chance to think deeply and calmly. No, i just wrote everything with a sky high hope that it’s something stated somewhere in the books and not purely my inventions. Somewhere in the middle, I actually felt like giving up. But I decided to keep fantasizing and create more answers which may sound wise, but a-ah, not really the answer, but hopefully acceptable. I also decided to make fun of it and not to take it so serious. If you saw me lauhing alone in the exam hall, I was laughing over my own ridiculous answers.

After 3 hours, nothing can describe how drained I was, like I just fought a war. Despite that, I was happy that I finally went through it. But you know how friends were after exam finished. They started discussing answers with each other and that has stimulated my ‘panic centre’ in the brain, I was so panicked that the more they discuss, the more I realized that my answers were not even close. That, has left me in despair. A deep, dark, heart-wrenching despair.

I tried to act normal, because it’s usual to feel stupid after each exam, but i can’t this time. Maybe one of the reason is, it’s a final paper, and I am soo desperately wanting to pass the final papers, fly home, leaving this sacred place forever, to my home sweet home, spending the lost time I didn’t spend with Aya and Saifuddin, my lovely husband. Let’s just call him ‘msbi’, because I never really have called him with that name(saifuddin) all my life,haha, because we call each other ‘awak’, so it has become awkward to call each other with names, so okayy, let’s just stick with ‘msbi’, his facebook name because it may sound a lil bit more catchy.

Back to the story, I got back home, feeling all tired and disappointed, and I told Msbi that I’m afraid I have to resit this paper because I did bad in the exam. I know he was busy dealing with his non-ending tasks in the hospital, furthermore he just started his new posting in div of medicine, which is a hell of a place for housemen, so i didn’t expect him to answer, and that’s fine for me. But he replied! And he called.

He actually called.

“Macam mana exam tadi?”
“Emm, malas lah nak ingat pasal tadi.”
“Banyak ke tak dapat jawab or boleh jawab tapi tak complete?”
“Banyak tak boleh jawab, yang boleh jawab pun tak complete” *Dah start rasa nak nangis*
“Yelah.. saya pun tak habiskan baca buku..salah saya..”
“Buku tu kene habiskan baca lah patutnya..”*dah start nak membebel*
“Diam lah awak!” *We laughed*

“Kadang-kadang, result ni bukan ikut yang kita buat je, ada banyak lagi faktor lain, macam mana kita doa, macam mana kita teruskan usaha,macam mana kita mintak dan yakin Allah akan tolong kita..semua tu faktor..” *air mata terus meleleh*

It’s a simple advice, but deep. I cried and promised to myself to not lose hope and faith to Allah, and keep trying for the next remaining papers. Whatever Allah has written for me in His plannings, it will always find its way to happen, leaving us choices to make, either keep crying over the past, or move on. I chose to move on.

I can’t describe how thankful I am to have Msbi who always knew what to say when I’m sad. Thank you God for lending him to me. I’ll cherish this gift for my whole life.

dua-dua tak pandang kamera tak pandai selfie

Dua-dua tak pandang kamera tak pandai selfie. oh my pregnant face.

Having no fear is no good

I have a serious problem. Finals are coming, but i was not excited nor anxious like people normally do. And when i am not anxious, i would leisurely spend my time on cooking, baking, facebooking, blogging, like what i am doing right now. Dahlia Hazirah, wake up! You only have 2 days to buckle up, and expect no sympathy from your finals. Please, anxiety, fear, cuakness, nebesness, i summon you to come! Now I know the importance of fear. It somehow increases your performance. Macam masa sekolah dulu, takut cikgu marah tak siap homework, rajin la buat. Kalau dapat cikgu baik tak reti nak marah, sampai akhir tahun pun berkulat je homework tu.

Do you guys remember how i brag about the new study method? The 20-minutes read, and 5-minutes gap, bla bla bla..I am sinful to say, I failed to apply it myself. Because my 5-min gap would be 1-hour newsfeed scrolling, so i decided the method doesn’t suit me well. I have to salvage myself from phone-checking. I am a constant phone checker. Pantang ada vibration! In no time, the phone would be in my hand. Rasa nak campak phone jauh jauh. So the best is letak phone jauh jauh so you won’t, by any chance, see it, hear it,or feel it. Letak lah bawah bantal ke, atas lantai ke, asalkan not in your angle of view. Unless you have 360 degree angle of view like a ‘lalat’.Tak dapat nak tolong.

Next, always put a target. “By 12 noon, i shall finish this topic!”. Or if you’re futuristic, put a whole day or whole 2 days target like, “I must finish these 2 books by tomorrow”. Wait,boleh ke habiskan 2 buah buku dalam satu hari? Haaa that’s my secret skill. I can even sum up the whole year lectures and study them in one sacred week. Haha. I guess 99.99% college students are like me. Come on, i know i’m not alone on this. Jangan malu nak mengaku.

I have to say this. My husband is soo different. He’s not that type which waits for the final week to finish up all his studies. And when he’s having exam, everything becomes sooo not important to him. Like he already devoted himself to his studies. Like nothing else matters. Even me, his wife, doesn’t really matter to him when he’s so indulged in his books. I was pissed off sometimes, but at the same time amazed. Trust me, if you see him studying,you would automatically feel this sudden urge to study. That’s what happened to me last time when we study together. But now that i’m alone, and the view of him studying is no more here, I’ve turned into a lazy hippo. 2hari lepas, bila dia tanya, “Dah berapa page study harini?” I was like, should i tell him that I only read 3 pages this morning? Lol. No no, i shouldn’t. Takut kena marah! Haha.

Next target: The whole sem lectures in one day. Yosh!

10 things I learn from Egypt

In Egypt, you won’t find moderation. Ada orang jahat sangat, ada orang baik sangat. Tak ramai golongan wasatiyah macam kat Malaysia. Haha. Bak kata orang, Mesir ni negeri Firaun tapi ia juga negeri Nabi Musa.Tak dapat dinafikan, banyak benda yang saya belajar dari Egypt. Yelah, 6 tahun membesar kat sini. Dah macam-macam pengalaman pahit manis masam dah kat sini. Dah macam-macam jenis orang saya jumpa. Here i made a quick analysis on things I learnt from Egypt. Bacalah kalau rajin.

1. VISA- the most complicated task to do on earth is acquiring residency in Egypt.

2. Don’t look innocent and kind. They like to cheat on innocent-looked foreigners

3. They’re loud

4. They create their own rules and they can change them whenever they like

5. They tend to be racists

6. Malaysians are a lot smaller in figure, compared to Egyptian. Egyptians are talll and biggg..You will look like kids to them.

7. Egypt has produced great professors and geniuses. Give them education, and they excel more than anyone on earth. The problem is, poor people don’t stand a chance.

8. They don’t like us making noises. But when they make noises, it’s the loudest noise you will hear. It’s like, “No no, you don’t get to make noise. This is our country. Only us can make noise.”

9. When they make promises, don’t believe 100%. Their ‘tomorrow’s really never die.

10. Kind people in Egypt are realllyy kind. As I said, no moderation. You get to meet really kind people, and really evil ones here.

Me and my EPO

I am verrryyyy frustrated. You know why? Let me tell you a story.

Since a while, I’ve been so into this reinduction-of-lactation thing. After being separated from my baby for months, my body milk has dried up, and Aya has started her formula not long after I left her. My frozen breastmilk stocks were limited back then. So, back to the story, I’m currently trying to reinduce lactation, so that I can continue breastfeeding,.If you follow my instagram, you’d know what i’m talking about, I tried almost everything. Well, not yet everything. But I’ve tried sooo many remedies and tips to boost my milk production. Sooo many. Because I really want to continue breastfeeding when I get home soon. Well, you know I currently live away from my family, husband and baby. If you know how wonderful breastfeeding affects your baby, you will not want to stop!

bf baby

I bought a new manual breastpump as i left mine at home. Breastpumps do not only work to pump out your milk, but to stimulate more production of milk. I bought one, and tried to do the pumping every 2 hours. But as my final exam is approaching, I reduced it to just few times per day. (I can’t do the pumping while studying. It’s MANUAL. Both hands work.) So that’s why I couldn’t do it every 2 hours. Now you see how this thing needs a very strong commitment.

Sayur bayam, sayur sawi, kacang badam, biji halba, any galactagogue(foods that boost milk), semua dah cuba. Welll, hampir semua. So here comes the frustrating part.

Sejak sarat mengandung, saya amalkan ‘evening primrose oil’ untuk memudahkan waktu bersalin. Hey it did work. Dan saya terus makan sampai sekarang, for its other benefits. I’m not really compliant for daily basis, but I did take them in a frequent basis. Dan semalam, entah macam mana, tergerak hati sangat nak ‘google’ balik kepentingan EPO ni. Memang banyak sangat khasiat especially untuk wanita yang ada masalah PMS, atau wanita yang hampir menopause. Ada banyak lagi lah khasiat lain. BUT, the frustating part is, EPO boosts a hormone called dopamine. And immediately after I read that, I found a startling fact in my book which wrote, “Dopamine reduces prolactin release.” OH MY GOD. Do you guys know what prolactin do? Increasing milk production!!! So I’ve been stimulating its release while inhibiting it at the same time! Isn’t it a stupid thing to do? Like brushing your teeth while eating oreo. Heh. Boleh bayang tak?

Hmm oreo

Hmm oreo

Begitu lah ceritanya…. Lain kali, do a thorough research before nak makan apa-apa supplement okay…A great lesson for me. And for anyone if any yang baca post ini. Wish me luck!

Why studying non-stop for hours is a bad idea

As a student, or specifically a university student,today I want to talk with you (actually write. or type or post?) something that I learned over years of experience which is how studying non-stop for hours is generally a bad idea.

It’s a very typical irony that the whole semester,in our minds, is a honeymoon, unless it’s the end of semester. Especially when there are only few weeks left before final and you got a bunch of books unread on your desk. And this is the part when it happens. This is the part when you sink ourselves in notes and books, housemates are invisible in your eyes, you wish you can reside in a quiet cave, foods and shopping no longer excite you because you finally find out that you’re almost doomed.
This is the part when you wake up with books, you eat with books, you sleep with books, or perhaps the worst case, is go into the toilet with books.

We tend to practically read the textbooks for hours regardless of how our mind is doing. Like our body, brain can feel tired too. And when it’s tired, it can’t perceive information from the texts very well. So after hours of reading, and you try to recall what you have read the whole day long, you can recall only a few. You’ll start to say, “I know it, i know it, i read it just now” but you can’t recall no matter how hard you try. Or at times, your mind is no more focusing on the book, and you start to dream and think of non-related matters, while your eyes are still on the book! If you experience this, you’re not alone.

The point here is, there is a smarter way to memorize information, which is creating gaps between not more than 20 minutes of reading and you’ll find that it’s easier for you to recall the information you just read. But wait! The good news is, you don’t need an hour gap to rest your mind, 5 minutes is generally enough. So it will be 20-minutes-reading, followed by 5-minutes-gap, and then 20-minutes-reading again, then you can rest again. I’m telling you, i tried this and I can feel the difference. I feel less tired too.

This is just one simple technique of studying and I recommend you guys to try it. I know, everyone got his or her own ‘style’ of studying, so if you already found your style, that’s good. But if feel that you’re still on the air, trying this method would bring you no harm.

” I want to touch a dog” but I don’t want to

To be honest, I’m disappointed by how Malaysians reacted upon the running of a controversial event, “I want to touch a dog”.
Yes, it is weird, it is daring, it is controversial, and perhaps not necessary as it is a very sensitive issue among Malaysian Muslims, to be specific.. But me personally is not against it. Though I don’t have any gut to even go near one.
My reasons? Because I know dogs have been hated by Muslim society in Malaysia, though not all. People doesn’t feel bad killing and poisoning dogs, which is very very wrong and even forbidden in Islam. They are God’s creatures too, for God’s sake.

No 2, the event is not intended for fun, I believe. It is to raise awareness among Malays to not hating dogs and to not fear dogs. Dogs in malaysia are not only feared, but abused too. When children are taught not to be near dogs, they tend to hate dogs automatically whenever they see one. How do they react? Throwing stones,and some even beat them. No, this is not right. Because we have been teaching children to do something without them actually knowing why. The analogy that came across my mind is how parents have been teaching children to not go near a crazy dude on the street. Because of this, they grow up hating poor people with mental illness rather than having the heart to help them. Worse, people isolate them, beat them, chase them away. Now where is the part where we educate the society about human rights?

No 3, I believe the organizer is not a simple minded. Upon reading the programme details, I know he’s been planning everything with details. He even acquired permission from MAIS(Majlis Agama Islam Selangor). There are sertu coaches who was intended to teach participants on when and how to do sertu. I’m sure, there is very little number of Muslims who actually know how to perform sertu and samak. They also invited scholars to educate participants on how to handle dogs, why we can’t pet dogs, and other do’s and don’ts regarding dogs. He also made sure that all dogs are clean and healthy by providing a veterinarian service to examine all dogs which are to be brought into the programme. Perhaps the only mistake is that the participants went out of control when they got all excited uploading photos of them hugging dogs which had raised suspicion and confusion among society. Yet is it the organizer to be blamed 100%?

Yes, I read some scholars’s opinions that touching dogs unnecessarily is not encouraged in islam. It is enough that we stand for their rights, not let them sick and starve, and not to hurt them. But still, touching dogs is never Haram, But if we make contact with their sweat and saliva, it is compulsory for us to perform a cleansing ritual called ‘sertu’. Touching a dry dog with dry hands doesn’t require specific cleansing. Unfortunately, Malaysians tend to see it as haram as in definitely forbidden and sinful. Wrong fact needs to be corrected.

Muslims are forbidden from petting dogs in their houses as this will limit the cleanliness in ibadah and according to some scholars, Rasulullah has once said that owning a pet dog in our house would limit the rewards we would get from doing ibadah.
However, it is allowed to own a dog for security as taking care of farms or houses. Even in Islamic history, dogs are used by Rasulullah and companions as a guide during travels, but not as pets.

Whatever it is, my source of disappointment is not the critics that the organizer had received, but how the critics are done. People labelled him liberal, yahudi, useless, stupid. The only reason I’m writing this post is not to show support nor disagreement towards the campaign, though i do have my own stand, but I’m writing because I’m utterly frustrated by how most people doesn’t have any manner and respect in criticising. Isn’t he human too? We all know they’re no single human on earth who’s immuned from making mistakes except Rasulullah saw. Even if what they’re doing is wrong, do they deserve rude condemning words from public? i don’t think so. Islam teaches us to give genuine advice and education to those not knowing. Never had I heard that Islam allows us to spit rude words on our brothers’ face. Never. So why do we?
Where do we get the license from?

So brothers and sisters who read this, I hope I made my point clear. We have a better way to educate, which is far from spreading hatred and nasty words. And it is not fair to judge people without trying to look from their side of view. Even if they make mistakes, they deserve nice encouraging advice, because every one of us makes mistakes too.

It is hard

Dear love, I hope you’re doing fine.

Only 4 days have passed. Feels like 4 months. I’ve been missing you and Aya so much that I quietly weep on bed sometimes.

There are so many memories of us here. Every place I go would remind me of you.  Every thing I do would remind me of you too.

Yesterday I participated in the organization meeting and it reminded me of how we used to meet in a meeting.

When I saw a married couple with their 5-month-old baby, it brought my mind back to you and Aya.

When I felt sick and dizzy this morning, I remembered you used to be with me when I was sick.

When I feel tired of study, I remembered we used to study together last time and I would go to you whenever I’m tired.

Sometimes I can’t control it but it keeps coming that it started to hurt. Deep inside I’m hurt, I can feel the pain is throbbing and it feels like someone is gripping my heart and won’t let go.

But I know the only choice left is to be strong as you said and that’s what i’m trying to do since I left.

To be strong and keep going no matter how hard.

And it is hard.